If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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