Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
