Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
