The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
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