I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
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