I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
