we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
