i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
