Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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