is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
