I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
i now understand why vodka
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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