it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize