so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Found your dick twin last night
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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