i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
