dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
It's no shave November. This is our time.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
