i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
