I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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