you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
