Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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