i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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