the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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