So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
