Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
