did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
