yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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