my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize