I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
