I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
