I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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