I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
