If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
