i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
