I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
