im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
