this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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