I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
