Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
