Fuck appropriateness.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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