I just saw a hot homeless man
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
