Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
