i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
