Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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