Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
