I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
