Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
