It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
