i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
organizing the empties. That sober.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
