Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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