Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
