A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
