Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
