They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
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