You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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