Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Randomize
