his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
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