If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize