you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
