I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
