I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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