For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
