i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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