you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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