No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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